Want to know what I really think?

The only downside of Ducky’s restructure is moving out of Suite 110.

Sweeping up today, and looking at these four walls… reflecting on our interactions this last month…lots of “are you sad to be leaving this location? You’ll never find another like it! Are you doubting this business move you’re making?” I’m an analyzer at heart, and, if you are too, you know it often leads to metal paralysis at best, and agonizing worry and feelings of panic, at worst.  Not long ago I was handed the keys to these doors with visions of strengthening my business plan as the business unfolded. Plans began to take shape, and to morph, how they do when you take the risk of small business. 

But then they started to take the amazing direction that only happens when you let go, trust your instincts, and pick up your next breadcrumb. And a lot of cosmic crumbs have been dropped to get me here.

The last few years have been riddled with loss, death, flood, defeat…like a tsunami I had no chance to withstand. While trying to brace myself against it, it was thrashing and pushing and drowning me. But when I let go and let it wash over me, and when I took stock of the important things (like we do when met with the worst things that can happen in our lives), and moved forward to find and be my best self, the waters calmed and the sun came out.

I started to make the effort to live, everyday, as my best self, with my goals in mind, and with an authentic positive attitude and actions.

It was then that the breadcrumbs were laid in front of me.

 Encouraging words from others turned into actions, and everyone from family to strangers seemed to be pointing me in a positive direction, as long as my intentions were honest and my actions honorable, and, like a little bird, I kept an awareness of the miraculous breadcrumbs that others were graciously dropping for me. Everyone in the process of this brick-and-mortar store has been exactly what I needed right when I needed it. From the Relator, to the landlord, to the family, neighbors, friends and customers, you were there, saying what I needed to hear, giving me vital helpful information and encouraging words and actions, exactly when I needed them.

Had the tsunami that washed away my comfortable life not happened (comfort that was really empty and fake, upon reflection) I would still be my “old self” and even though my old self was a glass-half full kind of girl, I would have had feelings of sadness, loss, and grief when moving out of this lovely space. I can almost feel my old self feeling sorry for herself, crying silly tears over needed change, and moping around a bit before rallying to the next level (which is an exciting level, by all accounts!)

But what do I actually feel when I look at these four now-empty walls? Gratitude. Pride. And a happiness that comes from, well, only true happiness. Not because I’ve gotten to a comfortable destination, but genuine happiness to be on my journey.

A dear friend, who is often known to pull me up by my collar, dust me off and point me in the right direction with some positive words, reminds me to “Jump, and build your wings on the way down!” Well, I don’t know how to build wings…where do I begin? What tools do I need? How long will it take? How will I use them? I didn’t know the answers to any of these questions, but picking up the breadcrumbs has helped me build a community that can lead me to find the answers…a community that is far richer than I could have dreamed, and it all happened because I was right there, in suite 110, right then.

Wings built…and they are sending me soaring beyond these four walls….my glass really is indeed half-full.