Feed Your [good] Dog!

Joe Fox: [writing to "Shopgirl"] Do you ever feel you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret, hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension - has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and moving on, you zing them. "Hello, it's Mr. Nasty…"

I love that quote…Tom Hanks says it to Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail. Recently, I found myself in a situation where in an effort to draw a firm boundary, I let anger and emotion get the best of me, and was certainly the worst version of myself.

I wrote once on here about rebalancing as we go, rather than “waiting” till Monday, or a holiday, or for this or for that. All of these blog entries are cohesive insomuch as they convey (or try to) a simple lifestyle that if full of crafting, design, shopping, whimsy, and magic (and candy! or like my "about" says: novelty, nostalgia, nonsense, and glamour). 
I try to create an environment where soundtrack of our lives is more Beethoven than Bieber. More “Old Fashioned” than “Kardashian” (I know that one’s not a great analogy, but you get where I’m going, right?) But there are moments, when challenged, I’m not the pillar of strength and level-headedness that I’d like to think I am, but rather a girl behaving as mad as a March hare! Time to rebalance…right now.

There’s a proverb that says “There are two dogs inside of me, whichever I feed gets the biggest.” I’ve fed my bad dog, and his incessant barking is keeping me awake at night! (Nailed that analogy, no?)

In order to recover from my own negative thoughts and behavior (just to be clear, I’m talking about a verbal kerfuffle, not a bank robbery or anything! But I have awful feelings about it, all the same), I must move forward, show the world (and most importantly, my child) my positive actions, and the behavior I feel defines me.

Feed This dog, not That one!
(cartoon by Rhodes Rumsey) 

As part of feeding my good dog, I’m rebalancing with things that are, well, good. Early bedtime, inspired reading, lots of whole foods, cold water, the occasional piece of candy, and stretching….physically as well as mentally. (And taking the time to take off allll of my mascara before going to bed!)

Whew! Here’s the less heavy:

This weekend, I’m sharing a fun craft I’m working on…check it out, won’t you? 

A few weeks ago, my astrologer (read: a dear friend who happens to be an astrologer, and looks at my star chart for fun) informed me that I must be “out and around” on the weekend of the 27^th, since my planets will be aligned/squared/eclipsing/whatever and that the universe is poised to reward me, if only I get “out there” in the world and cultivate my good energy. “It’ll be good for you!” he encouraged me.

I liked this tiny bit of nudging to break out of my normal Saturday routine. When not working, I like to spend the first bit of Saturday in pajamas, watching old Hanna Barbera cartoons, complete with 70s and 80s commercials (sometimes I just watch the commercials!) with the next bit of the day doing chores and making lists for the coming week. I do my best to not leave the house on Saturdays, but was open to new ideas coming my way.

I wanted to plan for this day, but not over-plan, and I wanted it to consist of things I might not do, and of simple pleasures. (It would be easy enough to book a spa appointment, go to a resort restaurant, mall, or movie theatre, but these go-to type indulgences were not what I was looking for). 
My darling friend, Michelle, a professional yogi with the type of spirit that could calm a room of hungry hyenas with her gentle voice and tranquil demeanor, always reminds me to “elevate the mundane and make it ritual”. This concept became part of my goal.

I reached out to close friends, and the girls in my neighborhood (I’m one of these extremely lucky ladies to have a handful of soul-sisters, right on her very street!) and was open for suggestions on things I could do that I don’t normally do, that were within a modest budget, and that I could do alone (even with other people there, I wanted to move thought my day and interact without blinders that go on when with friends you want to immerse yourself in). The brainstorm was fantastic, yielding a slew of ideas I would not thought of alone; Volunteering, obscure museum visits, hikes, walks, tours….my subconscious started to formulate a loose plan over the week…a plan I let take shape on its own, as if I were in the background, observing it as it unfolded. 

Even with recent “budget-cuts” of a personal nature, one of my few modest extravagances is fresh roses…I always have fresh roses, even if it’s the smallest bouquet (no cable television, or even Netflix, but roses? Yes, indeed!). A new friend of mine mentioned this week that she works with the Rose Society, and she volunteers some Saturdays to tend the East Valley Rose Garden. I asked if I could come along sometime, and she invited me for this weekend!

My Saturday started, early morning, in sturdy clothing and sunhat, gloves on, and nippers in hand. Now, I should mention here that many a lovely rose bush have died in my care due to improper tending. I utterly fear cutting roses back. Just the thought of hacking them to canes can give me a mild anxiety attack…even trimming those beautiful leaves can give me heart-palpitations, not to mention lopping off the old rose heads (“dead-heading”, it’s called) where gorgeous roses (albeit, ones clearly “dying on the vine”) end up cut and in a compost heap. But, today was different. I listened to the head Rosarian and curator of this amazing garden (nine-hundred rose bushes!) and, keeping an open mind, headed to a garden bed, shears in hand, ready. With some direction and a lot more freedom than I’d anticipated, I cut back roses, analyzed how future canes would grow, and made decisions on what to keep, and what had to go, bush by bush.

At the end of the morning, I culled through some of the cut piles to pilfer some gorgeous roses for a table vase, and plucked two petals off of a dying wild rose vine.

I carried these petals home in my palm, and when deposited at my front door, headed straight to the hardware store across the street. I wanted to paint-match these precious petals, and time was of the essence! Due to their deep fushia-red-orange hue, the man at the counter had a difficult time “tricking” the computer into reading my petals. After a bit of formula-calculation and camera positioning, my color image was read with a robotic eye, paint was mixed and poured into a little sample can, and I was on my way. I’d captured lighting in a bottle! The petals were changing and wilting as I’d checked out at the cash register. Capturing the perfect moment of the morning was done, not just on an iPhone camera, but in a paint can. Not sure what I'll paint, yet, but, whatever it is, it will surely remind me of this beautiful morning. 

The rest of my day followed the positive energy cultivated in the rose garden. I went home for lunch, made a lemon caper linguine, using lemons given to me by a client, and gave myself a much-needed pedicure while listening to a favorite French compilation album from the 1930s that I haven’t put the needle on for….years, I think! (Maurice Chevalier AND roses? So far so good!)

I decided I’d spend the next couple of hours touring my city, as it is tourist season and others are converging on our part of the Sonoran Desert for it’s perfect weather and unique beauty.

I walked along with “new eyes”, ducking into old souvenir shops and chatting with shopkeepers and visitors. 

While on my way to a grassy lawn with sculpture I love in the area, I paused at a tiny museum that I’d seen, but never really took notice of. I went in for the self-guided tour, and learned so much about the development of this part of my native home that I’d never known. Fascinating! And somewhat embarrassing…how had I not known these little details about a city I love so much!? Getting from point A to point B, I’d passed this place more times than I could count, yet, this was the first time I’d stopped. It made me see things from a different perspective.

My daughter and I play this game when we’re out: Whenever we’re somewhere with stairs (the mall, the airport, the main library…) we play what we call the “Stair Game”. The “game” is simply this: find the stairs, and climb at least a hundred of them. Today, I played the stair game…in high heels! It was a challenge to keep my breath steady, and to keep my posture and grace while playing the game.

My bestie in L.A. reminded me to visit a particular rooftop terrace, that we both love, today (he can be quite a food and event snob, but really, at his core, he loves the same simple pleasures that I do) and I did so, at sunset. This was the ‘beginning of the end’ of my day, and it was perfect.

Today, I pitched a penny into a fountain, and made a wish.

Today, I found a charm for my Sterling charm bracelet from childhood.

Today, I purchased a fancy tea that I always forgo because it’s the type of thing that is just “too expensive” when, in reality, a full tin of it is less than the cost of a couple of cocktails at a local resort.

Today, I met a local artist whose work I love and hope to own a small piece of, someday.

Today, I sat in a photo booth by myself and took silly pictures.

Today, I engaged, I was thoughtful, and I lived in the moment, every moment.

Where did being “out there” get me? Well, it didn’t get me a winning lottery ticket, to a higher tax-bracket, or huge success with my small business. But what it gave me were invaluable, simple lessons I tend to forget:

*Pruning is vital to new growth.

*When going from Point A to Point B, enjoy the journey (however short), not just the destination.

*And, when life (or a kind acquaintance) gives you lemons….cook with them, and put them in your fancy tea!

Now, in bed in my pajamas (a favorite set of pretty ones that I don’t wear nearly enough), I feel almost guilty that the simplicity of today…experiencing my city, connecting with my authentic self, and being reminded of the type of life lessons I consider to have solidified my very foundation….had to be prompted by a friend who happened to see what the stars held for me. I’m grateful (to you, G!) but wish I could say this is they type of simple, satisfying life I lead on any given Saturday, and promise myself to reconnect like this much more often in 2016.

Try it yourself! Given the same advice and prompting I had, what would you do? How would you spend your Saturday? (And that's rhetorical…answer that question to yourself, and then go live the answer, one Saturday at a time).

Want to know what I really think?

The only downside of Ducky’s restructure is moving out of Suite 110.

Sweeping up today, and looking at these four walls… reflecting on our interactions this last month…lots of “are you sad to be leaving this location? You’ll never find another like it! Are you doubting this business move you’re making?” I’m an analyzer at heart, and, if you are too, you know it often leads to metal paralysis at best, and agonizing worry and feelings of panic, at worst.  Not long ago I was handed the keys to these doors with visions of strengthening my business plan as the business unfolded. Plans began to take shape, and to morph, how they do when you take the risk of small business. 

But then they started to take the amazing direction that only happens when you let go, trust your instincts, and pick up your next breadcrumb. And a lot of cosmic crumbs have been dropped to get me here.

The last few years have been riddled with loss, death, flood, defeat…like a tsunami I had no chance to withstand. While trying to brace myself against it, it was thrashing and pushing and drowning me. But when I let go and let it wash over me, and when I took stock of the important things (like we do when met with the worst things that can happen in our lives), and moved forward to find and be my best self, the waters calmed and the sun came out.

I started to make the effort to live, everyday, as my best self, with my goals in mind, and with an authentic positive attitude and actions.

It was then that the breadcrumbs were laid in front of me.

 Encouraging words from others turned into actions, and everyone from family to strangers seemed to be pointing me in a positive direction, as long as my intentions were honest and my actions honorable, and, like a little bird, I kept an awareness of the miraculous breadcrumbs that others were graciously dropping for me. Everyone in the process of this brick-and-mortar store has been exactly what I needed right when I needed it. From the Relator, to the landlord, to the family, neighbors, friends and customers, you were there, saying what I needed to hear, giving me vital helpful information and encouraging words and actions, exactly when I needed them.

Had the tsunami that washed away my comfortable life not happened (comfort that was really empty and fake, upon reflection) I would still be my “old self” and even though my old self was a glass-half full kind of girl, I would have had feelings of sadness, loss, and grief when moving out of this lovely space. I can almost feel my old self feeling sorry for herself, crying silly tears over needed change, and moping around a bit before rallying to the next level (which is an exciting level, by all accounts!)

But what do I actually feel when I look at these four now-empty walls? Gratitude. Pride. And a happiness that comes from, well, only true happiness. Not because I’ve gotten to a comfortable destination, but genuine happiness to be on my journey.

A dear friend, who is often known to pull me up by my collar, dust me off and point me in the right direction with some positive words, reminds me to “Jump, and build your wings on the way down!” Well, I don’t know how to build wings…where do I begin? What tools do I need? How long will it take? How will I use them? I didn’t know the answers to any of these questions, but picking up the breadcrumbs has helped me build a community that can lead me to find the answers…a community that is far richer than I could have dreamed, and it all happened because I was right there, in suite 110, right then.

Wings built…and they are sending me soaring beyond these four walls….my glass really is indeed half-full. 

Celebrating the Seasons

I’ve always disliked complaints about Valentine’s Day. “It’s a Hallmark Holiday! It’s manufactured!” and the like. My attitude has always been, “Well, if you’re weak enough to fall for the marketing, and can’t just enjoy the day, that’s on you!” But upon recent reflection, I think these protesters may have a point, and it’s this: obsessive marketing to sell stuff is blurring the lines between what a holiday means and what we must buy for it, leaving the innate simple pleasures of the seasons to die on the vine, while we’re systematically subjected to anxiety-inducing campaigns that are geared towards only one thing: separating us from our money. And now it’s happening for every single holiday.

The tradition of the Christmas tree used to be to put it up and decorated it as a family on Christmas Eve. Now our Christmas tree isle is back to back with the Halloween costumes, and our trees are up before Thanksgiving.

Even the marketing itself is getting earlier. The traditional big shopping day of Black Friday is now on Thanksgiving Day itself! And “smaller” holidays, like Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day, are for white sales and barbeques (sadly, most people don’t even stop to think about the significant difference between these two days, if they even stop to think about them at all).

My point here is that we are being robbed of the enjoyment of delighting in the seasons as they come, and forced through anxiety to constantly be thinking ahead instead of enjoying the moment.

As you likely know, I love “stuff”…I’m in the stuff business! But I’m nostalgic, and miss the simple things that came with the changing seasons, that thrilled me as a child, and fear these little delights are being chipped away, piece by piece, but something as petty and predictable as marketing.

On Halloween night, I let some of these feelings of dread in. When we walked through the door from a fun night of trick-or-treating and hanging out with neighbors, my first thought wasn’t to reflect on the festivities or leisurely make a cup of tea while taking it all in. My first thought was, “I need to put away all of this Halloween stuff! What do I do next? Take out the Christmas stuff? Oh Christmas! It’s just around the corner!”

If you’ve read past posts (and you have, of course, haven’t you?) You’ll know I see everyday as a chance to recalibrate (why wait till Monday, or the first of the month, or the first of the year?) so today I’m doing just that. The weather is cool, so I’ll make some spiced cider and maybe let an old movie play while I’m fixing dinner tonight…I’ll make something warm…something that smells like Autumn! I’ll focus on the joys of this season, and let the anxieties around me fall away while I revel in what I love about this season. And, just as important, I’m going to talk to my child about things I love about fall.

In the coming days we can talk about the Pilgrims, what Thanksgiving means, and maybe recreate The Nina, Pinta, and the Santa Maria out of construction paper and popsicle sticks, like I did when I was a kid. The push back will be hard…I have errands to run today and will see all of the Christmas stuff (and possibly even Valentine hearts; nothing would surprise me at this point!) but when I do, I’ll make an effort to not let the panic-ridden marketing in, and to look around and let in the things of this current season that I love. Join me in this little exercise? I’ll bet we’ll both be better off, mentally (and financially!).

http://www.comicsbeat.com/24-hours-of-halloween-a-saulte-to-ben-cooper-costumes/

What do I do with these Halloween costumes!?

Is it just me, or do we seem to consume more and more, and at the same time live in smaller spaces? I mean, is the fact that we consume more “stuff” indicate we must live in smaller spaces (spending on stuff prevents affording a bigger space?), or do the spaces seem smaller because we have more stuff? It’s somewhat of a chicken-and-egg argument, but I find myself looking for more of a balance to this conundrum on a daily basis.

As you may well know, I am NOT a minimalist…I love stuff! But because of space, or lack of it, I’m always trying to conjure creative display ideas so that my home still functions. One way I do this is to pinch the sentiment out of certain items, and leave the rest for donation, trade, and sale.

For our first Halloween, I purchased a big-ish shadow box for my child and pinned the hat from her first Halloween costume inside. As the years pass, I tuck in a tiny piece from each costume…the feather from her flapper costume, the glasses from her Grocho Marx costume, the flower from her Bip costume… I’ll deconstruct the costume, tuck any parts that can be possibly used again for another costume in the designated box, and get rid of the rest. (For instance, after she was Batman, I passed the bulky utility belt on, knowing she’d never want to repeat a costume, but saved the leotard after removing the bat logo). This way, I’m curating all of our Halloweens, without having to save all the taxing bits. And when I no longer want to have these things on display, I’ll tuck them into a memory box, and save them for my daughter.

An even easier way to curate is with photos. A couple snapshots from each year with some journal pages tucked in to write notes, is a keepsake you’ll love to look back on, and pass on to your kids someday. Because, do we really want to leave them with an attic full of moth-eaten costumes so they can look back on their memories for a fleeting moment before tossing them in the trash? Or do we want to create memories that are simple, heartfelt and, most importantly, compact?

Think about it…these are great ways to “Go Green this Halloween” while still getting our fill of “stuff” and memory-making. Deconstruct, donate or exchange that costume, and see if it doesn’t help build more meaningful Halloween memories, while helping keep our closets and attics clear.

Stay tuned for info on our neighborhood’s costume swap (I mentioned it in my last post…you read it, didn't you?) And look for fun, creative, and easy ideas on www.GreenHalloween.org

How do you cleverly curate Halloween? Leave a note or come in and chat!

Ducky Shincrackers

5618 E Thomas Rd #110

Phoenix, AZ 85018